Kay's Story pt 17 - Saying Goodbye

Morning brought with it much movement on the ship as over half the passengers would debark in the city of London.  Elianna helped Susannah assemble all of the children’s things and told one last story to Meagan and the others while the Judith prepared to dock. 

            When all things were ready, Meagan clung to Elianna, her sweet face puckered into a pout.  “I will miss you so much, Elly!  Please oh please say you’ll come visit us?  Or perhaps I can stay on and come with you to Scotland.  You can teach me along with your other kids!”

            Elianna laughed.  “I’m quite sure your parents would miss you too much.”

            “Come, Meagan.  It’s time to go,” her father bade.

            She squeezed Elianna as tightly as her little arms could before letting go to snatch up her little hat and suitcase obediently.

            “See you soon, Elly!” she sang, following her parents off the ship.  Elianna had exchanged tearful goodbyes with Susannah moments before.  She could not have been more thankful for the blessing of her friendship over the course of this trying voyage. 

            Because the ship was not leaving for Edinburgh until the next morning, Elianna debarked herself to take in a bit of London before nightfall.  She wondered at the feel of solid ground beneath her feet.  It felt like it had been ages since she left her home in America.  

            Rounding a corner, she was knocked nearly sideways with déjà vu.  The street, though crowded in the daylight hours, was indisputably the same one that she and David had traipsed down that night at three in the morning so many years ago.  She’d halted and people flew by her on each side as she remembered with clarity the tone of David’s voices as he confessed to her, “Elianna, I’ve been thinking…and praying a great deal, and…I think I’m going to go as a missionary to India.”  What had followed hurt too much to remember.  She had to brush it aside to survive the sting.  Shaking her head, she mumbled a reprimand to herself and hurried down the street, trying to forget; but still the tears welled up and her heart burned.  She had been a fool to begin this journey in the first place.  It was far too late to change her mind.  Or was it?

            She turned into a dress shop, saw no privacy within, and abruptly left.  Taverns were trickling out music and laughter along the avenue, and other peddlers were selling their wares—pots, desserts, fabric, bread.  She had no money to buy anything, so she decided to return to the ship.  She needed to be alone to think, to pray, to prepare herself for the hour she would meet Sylvia. 

            Back in her room she looked around.  The little white wash basin, the daisy print bedspread, the funny photograph of an old woman holding a poodle—these little details had become friends, shared her frustrations, heard her prayers.  She was almost the only person on the Judith right now.  All had eagerly ventured into London for a change of scenery.  Elianna knelt down beside her bed ceremoniously, and then flung her face and both fists onto the mattress.  She wept as prayers stormed through her mind.  Some of them escaped her mouth.

            “Oh God, help me!  Son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner!  You know my frame—don’t forget that I am dust!  Just dust!  Don’t forsake me—the little girl—your servant—whom You foreknew!  I will surely perish on my own if You don’t rescue my foolish, fickle heart!  I can’t bear all this alone!  I want to go home.  I want to forget David ever existed.  I hate Sylvia right now—forgive me!  But I despise her.  She is an enemy I cannot love right now.  I pity her and want to love her, but I cannot. 

            “O Lord, don’t let bitterness overtake me and poison my heart!  I can feel it taking root, and it frightens me.  Whatever it takes, cut it out and fill me with love.

            “Lord, since the beginning I have wanted You.  And now my flesh and my heart are failing!  Please be the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Please make me—”

            She stopped as a knock pounded at her door.  When she opened the door with a red, tear-glazed face, Ferdinand stood before her.  “Come quickly,” he said, reaching out and pulling her by the arm.  She obeyed with a questioning look.  “I’ll explain on the way,” Ferdinand said.

            They hurried out and back into the city.  Once a minute or two had passed, he said, “Jasna…she’s just been in an accident.  She wanted you.”

            “Oh Ferdinand, what happened?”

            “One of those damned new automobiles lost control and hit her while we were walking.”

            Elianna gasped and let out a little cry. 

            “We were only a few steps away from the house—our home.  She’s badly hurt, Elianna.  I’m worried sick about her.  She can’t feel her legs still.  She was unconscious for an hour.”