The Whimsy... Part XI

Near the end of the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2010
Age 23, North Vancouver (at Brad's and my first home together)

I've been sick with what Shonna says is a bad flu for 11 days now.  The first week got to be really boring.  We were house-sitting the dogs at mom's, which was nice when they weren't [doing all manner of dirty gross things] on the floor.  We had many friends over for a good game of Cranium Saturday night.  It was so pleasureful to serve and laugh and Brad guessed a lot of my things I had to act out or draw, so we were a great team.

Thought I was getting better but this morning I felt awful - hot, stuffed up, exhausted, coughing, so tired.  It starts to make you worry.  What if it's something else?  Am I ready to die?  What would I write in a letter to Brad's next wife to make sure she'll take care of him and realize how sensitive he is?

We've been taking care of each other.  I make him sandwiches for school [carpentry, year 1, at BCIT] and he makes me NeoCitrin in the evenings.  He's doing real well in school, studying all the time, telling me his test scores and what he made.  We're waiting on a final decision about whether I'll finish up in school or not [my linguistics degree at TWU].  I really want to.  More and more things keep encouraging me in that direction to the point of where I'm just dreaming of it now.

Love [a sign-off/goodbye thing that my mom, dad, and sister say to each other].

The Whimsy... Part X

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2009
Age 22, North Vancouver

And so begins my one and only Spring season as an engaged woman.

Brad said he was "impressed" with my wife actions today - of making the boys lunch and muffins and mastering the kitchen.

Brad and I started our registry today at the Bay.  Oh it is quite fun and we made quite a few decisions.  Kitchen appliances, towels, bakeware.  Brad got inspired by the soap dish and "kept things fun" by listening with keen interest about the bra sales in that department. [...] I mostly liked the throw blankets we picked out. 

Oh but amidst all of this stuff, I miss the sweetness of conscious fellowship with my God.

The Whimsy... Part IX

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2008 - The first official day of Spring and love is in the air!
Age 21, North Vancouver

A beautiful day in the hands of the Lord.  I felt more able to believe and rest in God's promises to guide today.  Reading through Jim Elliot's biography ["Shadow of the Almighty"] is sure a faith booster and inspiration to walk more closely with God.  He was my age.  Oh to know the Scriptures and hymns like him!

I read a chapter of Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, which spoke of the components of love: passion (biological), intimacy (emotional), and commitment (cognitive/willful).  I wondered whether we could apply this to our relationship with God as well.  Passion - closeness, warmth, the joy of His presence.  Intimacy - surely He knows every part of us, every thought.  It is up to me to get to know Him better.  He is literally an open book.  And then also commitment .  Truly I was bought for a price on Calvary and now belong to Christ.  In salvation I accepted Him as my Lord, Master, forever.  His steadfast love and faithfulness is who He is.  No matter how I feel at a given time, I am His and He is mine.  What a wonderful thought.  The bride of Christ.  How can so great an honour be fathomed?  It truly delights my soul tonight. 

I'm also deeply needing to praise my gracious Father for allowing such a sweet conversation with Brad tonight. [...] I asked him how he felt to be turning 24 this  year.  He said scary, like thinking about having his own home, being married, such huge responsibilities.  I told him he wouldn't be alone.  He told me he wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

Must go pray to my Father.

The Whimsy... Part VIII

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2007
Age 20, Abbotsford

I woke up after a wonderful cold sleep that was too short.  The smile of the sun that greeted me took away any traces of the grumps though.  What a gorgeous morning!  I could barely take it all in.  I enjoyed my two grapefruit halves more than any other day this semester (meaning the whole time I’ve been eating grapefruit halves) and the cherry blossom trees are coming along splendidly.  I even brought a branch down to my nose and inhaled that subtly sweet scent… An audible, “Mmmmm!” escaped and now I am listening to some more country via Julianne’s iTunes!

So I had a great weekend of fellowship and renewal even if I managed to get done about a tenth of what I wanted to accomplish this weekend.  I tell ya, now that there’s 3 weeks of school left, I don’t feel like giving it all like I usually do.  I got my scholarship, I’m going to get A’s in everything, Lord willing… I just want to enjoy the friends I have here that may not return, the mountains that look like just-whitened jagged teeth against the piercing baby blue sky… So what if my descriptions today are a bit over the top; this is how it looks and feels to me!

Juls just showed me her brand new really cool journal.  Maybe if I had something nicer to write in, I would make sure I was writing more often.

Yesterday though, was particularly so pleasing.  We spent the afternoon playing with Anna and Katie, changing his light fixture in Brad's new room, going out to buy a new clock radio thing, some CDs… Thing is, I said that I was so happy he was purchasing the really cool black old fashion radio thing and then I didn’t want to say why.  He knew of course, though, and finished my thought for me: “Because it might be yours too one day!” something to that degree.  He was exactly right; he always is.  He always knows these little “screw-ups” of mine. I call them that only because I don’t like, per se, mentioning these types of things because it’s so long away and because you never know the will of God, it might change in the meantime, I don’t know. Who knows?  But I sure do love imagining such things, let me tell you!  I pictured him and his blond haired son (although in my head, it was “our” son) in his bench seat truck, singing along to the Greatest Hits of the Guess Who together on the highway… showing him how to weave in traffic and telling him not to tell his momma that he was showing him such things. Aw!!!!!!!!!!  Brad and our son???  I want a son!!! I know I always talk about Meadow, and now Mira too, but God, please give me some boys!  Oh brother, see I can’t even think of these things because I get so excited and giddy... I love that man and I love God for giving me such a wonderful, responsible, funny, passionate man who loves his Lord.  He loves me too, that I’m a thinker, that I dance around all weird and sing and smell the cherry blossoms…. Oh wonderful story of love.

I had better get to the work now - a book review, some reading. I neeeed to go for a walk though.  Simply a necessity.  It’s true.

Sweet sweet love of God.  How could anyone not want to have a relationship with the author of love, the maker of the magnolia trees…?  The One who gave the One He loves most to die so horribly and that this Son would come for the joy set before him and endure the cross… Sweet love of our Savior and Lord.

Writing on here [the computer] is just so much quicker you see. But in the slow pace of summer I will be liking a journal so I can’t take it with me camping and on 100 Mile House adventures and such. 

Homework. Now. Must. Go. Thank. You. And. Good. Day. !.

The Whimsy... Part VII

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2006
Age 19, North Vancouver

So I haven't written for several weeks.  Imagine:  I was once the Kay who couldn't sleep at night before writing a page on my daily activities, even when I was very drunk. [...] 

It's cloudy once more.  Not even raining yet and it's surpressingly depressing.  I am not going anywhere if it rains.  It sucked too much last time.  But, how can I stay home and where would I go anyway?!

I had a weird dream last night that I was in labour but there was scarcely a bulge in my stomach.  The baby came out without an ounce of pain for me.  I held it all naked and was just panicking.  "I'm supposed to feel all this love for you..."  I was so worried and scared about its appearance.  It was long and skinny, not deformed but surely not all plump and bundled up.  I just wanted it to cry and be normal so I could comfort it, like I was supposed to.  I woke up feeling sick from being so hot.  Went back to sleep only to dream about being on ships, making sure Grady was ok and not about to fall off and following "Justin's bro" around.  By the shore the Christian couple from A Baby Story were building a garden and having a picnic with their daughter. [...]

How can I dream such randomly weird things?!  At least they were, in a way, better than the one in Mexico. [...]  Ugh... guess I'm still bitter about that one...

So... what do I want to do? I know, get a job.  But WHERE?  And I don't feel like updating my resume right now.  I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone - any employer - and that I would just fail anyway or it wouldn't work out. [...]

Well I guess I should get on with my day... kind of a joke.  Maybe I'll just go out around the time everyone gets home.  Mom's had like attitude or something against me since they got home.  Maybe it's just because of that fact: they're home.  To live is to diet and travel.  To die is not in the plans...

I've got to get baptized.  I don't know why I'm so scared.  The thought of my parents coming to the meeting is awesome and happy, though awkward.  I feel like I have to live better and be an example before I can get up there honestly in front of them all.  And after Mexico, my hypocrite status is still way up there.

Thank God for a way out from this world and all of my sin.  Thank the Lord for being such a willing sacrifice, for living each day of His life without sin so He could be that perfect sacrifice.  I pray for our assembly and interactions amongst us all.  May they be understanding and full of great love for one another.

The Whimsy... Part VI

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2005
Age 18, London

It doesn't feel like we're across the Atlantic Ocean, in Europe, in Britain... that's so far!  It feels like, if I wanted, I could drive a few hours and find myself back in Deep Cove, on the way to the house of "Justin's bro".  I don't get this time and distance thing.   Like, I'm almost going to bed but it's 1:21 in the afternoon at home.  Justin's bro is still at WORK!  Now that's insane. Seriously.  It doesn't make sense!  I'm going to bed, it's dark.  Justin's bro is still at work.  Nope.  Like, Rya doesn't believe in the Southern hemisphere.  Huh!?  It's funny.  She actually doesn't.

I slept like 4 hours, on and off on the plane today.  So uncomfortable.  Then we dropped off our bags at the Travelodge on Kings Cross Road and headed out into LONDON.  OH WAIT.  No, never mind (I was going to tell you again about how I watched "The Grudge" and physically jumped out of my seat 6 times with a yelp).  So, we went for fish and chips.  I ate the fish.  Everything in the restaurant smelled like cow though.  Like, a real, live cow.  I had cow breath and everything.  I ate the fish by not thinking about the fact it was a fish.  EW.  It wasn't even wrapped in newspaper and it had so much batter on it, too. 

I don't know, it's probably from being tired but I've felt kind of down today.  Just not excitable in the least.  It just doesn't feel like we're here.  I feel so bad for saying I feel just kind of bored.  Especially with the company.  I don't think there's anyone here I wouldn't not get bored of talking to after 3 minutes straight.  I really wouldn't be able to predict how the rest of our days will turn out.

My feet are so tired.  I love walking a lot though.  I hope I lose weight like when we were in France because I feel so fat!  Like, ew, gross, everyone thinks I'm disgusting cause I look so pudgy and greasy (not greasy any longer, though - I had a shower after finally figuring out how the silly knobs and buttons worked!).  Ima go read another chapter in John's gospel and in the Diary of Anne Frank then snuggle into this OH-so-comfy and fluffy, quaint single bed.  I love it. 

I wish Justin's bro were here.  It would be so nice to get to experience Picadilly Circus, Liecester Square, Trafalgar Square, and Big Ben (we did that all tonight) with him.

The Whimsy... Part V

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2004
Age 17, New Orleans

Went through the Riverwalk with mom and Butt [my affectionate nickname for my sister].  Didn't buy anything but a slab of fudge between us all after watching their show.  Mom and Butt have bought so much stuff.  If I were in charge of the mula, I'd plan cool days of activity.  Things that add to your mind are more beneficial than things that add to your wardrobe or thingamabobber collection, but they make them semi-happy so, I guess that's good... okay.  I wish I could be nicer to them.  Stupid thing to say because it seems it should be so easy.  It's so hard to humour the small talk and make myself laugh at comments - COMMENTS that aren't even related to any sort of joke.

Helen Hunt's back in "As Good as it Gets".  Woooo Helen.

Chris and I went to a public library on St. Charles Street.  I yearned, standing at a window, to be pulled back into time, feel the hoop of my skirt, with the hum of suitors in the distance and my delightful secrets of "unladylike" behaviour. [...]

We played cards (Hand and Foot) again in the sun. Tried Krispey Kreme donuts of the States and now Langley. My feet hurt after the first hour of walking every day, like a worn-out leather man's would.  Babe's a tired babe who misses her babe...

The Whimsy... Part IV

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2003
Age 16, North Vancouver

I've cried more in these past 3 days than I have this whole year.  What am I going to do?  My Paris self, me, the one who isn't a bitch, who's happy in her surroundings and with herself, is gone.  I can't even dress like I did there.  I'm shocked, I'm crying without my face moving.  What am I doing?  Today, it was good even.  Us girls went to Oma's.  Opa said I took good pictures - I really liked that, because he meant it, and they were Paris pictures.  We all sang in the car, laughed at Shawna's enunciation of words on signs.  We went to Lonsdale Quay and had a crepe!  It was just like in Paris, even tasted like it.

I watched "Abandon" with mom.   She sighed and said she was happy to hear Butt and I fighting again (we weren't fighting, just tickling and being loud).  Then, we have dinner.  I don't want my meat, I don't want anything.  Dad says, "Don't just eat potatoes," and it pisses me off so I grab a handful of cucumbers and they flip at me so I sit straight and lift tiny forks of food in my mouth at a time.  Having respect for them.  Later, dad asked me what was so bad about the food at dinner in Paris.  Tears came, just thinking about being there and what it was like.  I miss that stupid FLUNCH.  That unappetizing FLUNCH.  And I even want to tell them all about it, everything.  But I don't.  I can't.  I'll cry because I miss it so much.  I don't think they know that I miss it so much.  If I told them, they'd humour me or say something stupid like, "Oh well.  At least you got to see it once."  How comforting. 

I hate myself here.  All the hours of nothing to do but sit around.  It rains outside.  I have no money.  I emptied that caramels container and started saving up for France by throwing $12 into it. Mom came in after my first round of tears and told me not to be bitchy.  She said I'd been like that all day.  I couldn't believe it!  When?! She said Opa had wanted me to sit with him to tell him about my pictures, that he'd asked me and I just turned and started watching my movie again.  You know that there's nothing I'd rather do than talk about my beautiful France pictures!  Mom said it had hurt her and probably Opa, too, and I felt SO bad.  That's why I'm crying now.  I'd never hurt them intentionally - I must not have heard him.  I'm such an ass.  I just want to go to sleep now - 6:54pm, but then I'd have to get up for work.  [Two swear words].

The Whimsy... Part III

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2002
Age 15, Mazatlan

I don't think I'm brown, still red until further notice.  I read about 6 emails from Mar!  She said my teenage will and testament and "so long" note really made her emotional.  And every day at 4 (3 her time) we're gonna think and talk to each other [even though we weren't in the same place].  I said we should go talk to and meet some people.   She shrugged it off and said she wanted to shop instead but then again didn't because all the stores are dirty.  I laughed.

There's 3 guys around here, mostly all blond, and while we were playing BINGO, one (the cutest) waved to me from across the pool.  Me, being my nervous self and only 85% sure he waved at me, I only smiled and it grew bigger as his eyes lingered.  Maybe I'll meet him (them) tomorrow.  

Mar practically made me write an email to Chris the guy because she said (in the emails) how he's always complaining about the lack of communication with me.  Instead of feeling special or binded to him, I feel proud, like I've proven myself worthy, interesting, and - using Chris' word - missable.

How I love it here. If only Mar were here.  Then we'd be going insane with exciting pleasure!

*** [later that day]

I guess you could say I'm off my rocker right now, or in English, drunk.  Every move I make is fun and time passes by exceptionally quick.  I can barely remember the walk around the hotel I just took.  I smile hello and say hola to people without second-guessing myself, which is how it should be all the time.  Nobody was around outside for me to flirt up anyhow.  What a bore.  Oh, to have a friend!  But it is just me, Kristina, all for me and me for all!  I like my outfit.  I appear sober I'm sure, although it doesn't feel like me writing! LOL.

The Whimsy... Part II

Continuing the present personal series of posts (see the introduction and first entry here).

The First Day of Spring 2001
Age 14

It's the first full day of Spring and a total waste.  We had to be home all day, during Spring Break doing nothing.  Beth and Shawna went shopping in the States (I was supposed to go with them).  I got 2 books from the library and read one from 12pm-4:30pm.  Sad, eh?  It was a weird book and left me in a strange mood.  Like I didn't want to do anything.  I went downstairs to talk to mom and they're teasing me about not getting 100% on my last report card and it pisses me off.  Geez, I've put myself in a position of them having perfect standards for me.  [...] I'm just so tense.  I want to get away.

           
I talked with Tanner again.  "It's all good"...  I watched "Legends of the Fall" and cried like I used to in all the movies with Chris.  Goodnight.

The Whimsy of a Hopeless Journaler

People have always asked me what on earth I intend to do with the copious diaries and journals I've kept over the years.  "Read them" and "Reflect" are the answers I seem to recall giving.  Other than that, there is the immense pleasure I take in merely beholding the wooden chest full of documented years.  More and more lately I hear tales of how people have burned or thrown out diaries they kept as angry teens.  I gasp upon hearing such and say that I could never do that.  They're irreplaceable - the memories, snapshots of the inner workings of your mind during various seasons of life.  Much of what I wrote, especially in my very young days, is largely inconsequential and boring even to me, but it's the backdrop against which growth and progress can be seen, if not always in character, then at least in handwriting.

Over the past few days, I've had the whimsy to share the contents of the same day from each year, as recorded in the annals of my existence, for the purpose of contemplation, comedy, and a conclusion of praise.  I will post one per day until we are back up to date!

So without further ado, I give you...

The First Day of Spring 2000
Age 13

It's the first day of Spring. Mom and I woke up early to go to Alex's. Got no hairy legs! We left at 11am. We stopped at Oma's to drop off my man [my dog Grady] and the truck. We ate lunch there. Drove to Seattle next. It took 2 1/2 hours. We saw the Space Needle and the Kingdome that's being blown up on Sunday. Our hotel is the Coast. We went to Denny's for dinner. Breakfast for dinner! Mmm. I love American money! We went to 7/11 to get some pop before, too. Back at our hotel, we watched TV. I started #15 [of teen book series Sweet Valley High]. I don't want to put it down! I don't know if I like "Click" anymore. He's great at school and everything but, like, at the movies he's so tense and unrelaxed. I didn't feel anything when his arm was around me. I liked it but I don't know... We watched Moesha. Sweet dreams, hopefully.

The Surpassing Goal: Marriage Lived for the Glory of God

Today I read and enjoyed a the chapter entitled, "The Surpassing Goal: Marriage Lived for the Glory of God," from John Piper's book, Building Strong Families (Wheaton: Crossway, 2002).  Please have a glance at the following excerpt and take a few moments to relish the glory of God as seen in these various attributes.

The glory of God...

• the glory of His eternality that makes the mind want to explode
  with the infinite thought that God never had a beginning, but simply
  always was;
• the glory of His knowledge that makes the Library of Congress
  look like a matchbox and quantum physics like a first grade reader;
• the glory of His wisdom that has never been and can never be
  counseled by men;
• the glory of His authority over heaven and earth and hell, without
  whose permission no man and no demon can move one inch;
• the glory of His providence without which not one bird falls to
  the ground or a single hair turns gray;
• the glory of His word that upholds the universe and keeps all the
  atoms and molecules together;
• the glory of His power to walk on water, cleanse lepers, heal the
  lame, open the eyes of the blind, cause the deaf to hear, still storms
  with a word, and raise the dead;
• the glory of His purity never to sin, or to have a two-second bad
  attitude or evil thought;
• the glory of His trustworthiness never to break His word or let one
  promise fall to the ground;
• the glory of His justice to render all moral accounts in the universe
  settled either on the cross or in hell;
• the glory of His patience to endure our dullness for decade after
  decade;
• the glory of His sovereign, slave-like obedience to embrace the
  excruciating pain of the cross willingly;
• the glory of His wrath that will one day cause people to call out
  for the rocks and the mountains to fall on them;
• the glory of His grace that justifies the ungodly; and
• the glory of His love that dies for us even while we were
  sinners.

How are people going to live their lives so that their marriages display

the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of this glory, when

they devote almost no energy or time to knowing and cherishing this

glory?

Read the whole chapter via the link above.